for the Americans

I'm still a Dutch citizen, so I can't vote in U.S. elections, but I'm very interested in politics, and I'm anxiously observing the forming of the presidential slate. I'm trying not to make this blog too much about politics and such since that isn't its purpose and I know our readers are all over the map politically.

Nonetheless, I confess that I fail to see much way to go but up at this point in time, and if you care to know which candidates support your views best, here are a couple of "candidate match" links.

Completely unrelated:

Love is:
Sitting in a toddler bed, holding your sleepy toddler son in your arms as he leans back against you and gets another nebulizer treatment for his wheezing, having him hold one of each of your hands in his smaller ones and occasionally rub it against his cheek, and knowing by the end of the treatment that a hard squeeze means he wants to hear Away In A Manger again. I'm not happy that Oli*ver needs the neb, but I could have sat there another hour, it was so peaceful and sweet.

Even more love is:
Watching your husband bring the wheezy, coughing boy downstairs and settle him half upright on the couch with him, the two of them nestled together, exhausted, because they'll both sleep better that way. Jo*el has always done "night duty" along with me, and in some ways he does it much better because he falls back to sleep so easily whereas I am up if I get up in the night. And he doesn't ever complain, he just does it. I am so completely, utterly grateful for that.

Ollie's doctors are reluctant to give him a final asthma diagnosis at this point, because some kids do still grow out of it before age 3 or 4, but it does seem like he needs breathing treatment with just about every cold now, and he often has croup as well. He'll outgrow the croup, but I wouldn't be at all surprised to spend more time in the ER this winter. At times like this, loving is painful -like your heart really is walking around outside your body, and you just want to gather your child up in your arms, squeeze him to you hard, and have that be enough. But it isn't. I know from my mother's reaction to my complicated pregnancy and my recent illness that this never really changes. I do appreciate this much more now that I've experienced it myself.

odds and ends

I’m so glad we followed this crazy idea we (OK – mostly I) had and got hens. It’s truly been a lot of fun. The girls are pretty mature by now, and done molting, so they’re big and fluffy. They’re also obviously hardy, as they haven’t seemed to think twice about hanging out in the snow. Now that there are no more bugs to eat, they are especially excited to get any kind of treats, especially carrot peelings (and yes, nearby family members, that is a hint!) and leftover noodles, which they seem to think are worms by the way they pin them down as if the “worms” were going to escape. We now get 3 or 4 beautiful eggs a day, and give about 9 or so a week to Ste*ve and Kath*y. The eggs have real flavor, and have the brightest yolks. Jo*el and I were joking that someday, the boy are going to go off to college, and when they receive scrambled eggs in the cafeteria, they’ll think, “What the heck is this?” I have a heat lamp installed for the really cold nights, and lights on a timer to get them to lay during the winter. Yesterday, I went outside to collect eggs and give the girls some fresh water, and on the way there, I sat down on the back step to tie my shoe. The ladies were out enjoying the sunshine, and within moments, I had one on my shoe and another in my lap! They’re such sweet, friendly birds. They seem to think I’m the mama chicken – kind of funny since I’m really the one that steals all their offspring. If I do yard work, they follow me everywhere, but unlike my own children, they neither whine nor argue with me.

I figured out that both boys are getting their back molar teeth. I thought they were done, but I was wrong. No*ah is complaining of a sore mouth, and they also have a lingering cough, so they’ve been quite cranky. We did have a nice trip to the zoo yesterday. We did both big indoor loops and the boys got a ton of much needed running around time. We stopped and looked at the gibbon monkeys for a long time. At one point, N said, “I’m sad, mama.” I asked him why, and he said, “Because for some reason, I don’t have a tail!” Then we went by some hog-like creature they have at the zoo, and a lady came up next to us and said to the man with her, "Holy crap! That thing is butt-ugly!" N repeated very word and she didn't even notice, but thankfully, he seems to have forgotten that fine use of the English language.

We’ve been doing the Tropical Trail loop without the stroller since the boys were about 18 months old, but back then we only did it when it wasn’t crowded at all, and we did have harness backpacks just in case. Now, we go whenever we want, and it works out fine. There are SO many twins and triplets at the zoo—they are everywhere—but always in strollers. Even older three year olds. I can’t imagine driving all the way to the zoo in a car seat, then sticking my kids in a stroller the whole time, then driving back home. My kids would go nuts – they need to move. When the boys were younger, I went and heard a child psychologist speak at my local multiples club. She said that multiples have a tendency to have behavior problems, and outlined her theories as to why this was. Multiples often live in an extremely kid-centered world, spending most of their time in a very baby-proofed house, and miss out on a lot of the basic things of everyday life, like trips to the grocery store, or to get an oil change, and the like, because their parents find it too hard. In missing out on those experiences, they also miss out on learning the resulting behavior expectations. She also said that since twins tend to lean on each other socially, they create a sort of “twin bubble” when they’re going places, which can lead to misbehavior. I can kind of see what she’s talking about there. O is actually pretty shy, but where he’d become kind of shy and compliant in new situations by himself, with his brother he’s kind of oblivious. It goes to show that inhibitions aren’t all bad – they do actually serve a purpose. The speaker suggested that one task for a parent of multiples is to try and make sure to take them to some of the same places you’d sake a singleton or two siblings of different ages, and also to help them be aware of their surroundings when they switch to new environments with different behavior expectations. For me, that means that when we go from the park outside the library to inside the library, I can’t expect it to go well when they’re laughing and chattering on the way in the door, no matter how innocent that looks, because they’ll think they’re still at the park when they get into the library. That’s the “twin bubble” – a lack of awareness of their environment, because they tune into each other instead. To make that kind of transition, I need to sit them on a step for a moment, look them in the eye, and remind them of the rules and of my expectations. It does work, and I’m glad I went to that talk, because thinking about this stuff is very helpful now. That’s also one of the reasons that I’ve always tried to be able to walk with my boys out of the stroller some of the time, even when it’s felt like a lot of nerve-wracking work. And now they can do it!

I don’t really go the multiples club meetings anymore, partly because I get a little tired of hearing how the moms can’t do this or that “because I have twins”, like potty train, let them out of their stroller, or take them to the playground or to a store. Yes, some things are harder logistically, and I’m sure I do things differently because I have twins, but I don’t want that to define me as a parent or us as a family. The thing I wish we could do more of is spend time with them individually. It’s always a choice between time together as a family of four and splitting them up, and with so little time for all of us together, family time usually wins. Next year they’ll be old enough for drop-off classes, though, and then we might have more opportunities for at least me to have some weekly one-on-one time with each boy.

Even though we had a nice time at the zoo, we did spend about a third of our zoo trip in the bathroom. N had an accident because he was scared by the automatic toilet, which flushed as soon as he sat down (so he didn’t really pee). We went back into the brand new, completely automatic-down-to-the-soap, bathroom. After we got N dressed in new pants, we spent a good half hour in there talking about how all the contraptions work, trying out first the faucet, then the soap, then the hand dryers, then checking underneath the sink to see how the bottles of soap screwed in underneath, talking about sensors and the difference between “automatic” and “manual”, and so on, until we got to the toilet, spent a few minutes talking about that, and then N went just fine. And then of course, we did the whole hand washing thing again. Next time I’m remembering the trick of bringing a post-it to put over the sensor, just in case, but at least maybe we’re past that particular fear. Then the whole rest of the time in the zoo, the boys were talking about what happened “automatically”, like the sliding doors, and the door locks when they press the key button on the key fob for our car. N was clearly still thinking about this when we got home, because then he said, “Mama takes care of us automatically.”

We had a very nice Thanksgiving, and everyone managed to eat, including Emi*ly, whose baby slept just long enough for her to finish her place, and Zo*e who ate a three course meal. It was busy, but delicious and fun. I didn’t get the greatest photos, because my camera is acting up and I need to get it fixed. It seems like every time I hear about someone getting their camera fixed it takes weeks and weeks, so I’m thinking that I might live with it through the holidays even though only about a quarter of the pictures are in focus.

Friday, Jo*el informed me that he had arranged a sitter for Saturday night so that we could go to a concert at the Fitz*gerald Theater (the one where Prairie Ho*me Compan*ion is taped). We went to a wonderful concert of Trio Mediæval, a renowned Norwegian choral trio. There were many Minnesotans in Norwegian sweaters there whose surnames probably ended in "seth". We have such a fine choral tradition here in Minnesota, so it was really neat to hear some of the folk music from which that tradition began. I think it was the second concert that Jo*el and I have been to together since the boys arrived. We used to go pretty regularly. I've never found it easy to leave the boys with a sitter, but I'm working on it.

Today both boys took a lousy nap and then got up late, so it was dark by the time we could get outside. We took a drive to see the Christmas lights in the area, which they absolutely loved. They were so excited. I'm going to put some up this year, and we're getting a tree when my mom comes. I think we'll make construction paper ornaments, though, and no presents under the tree until the night before. Age two and impulse control are relative strangers to one another, but Christmas is so much fun when you have little kids!

Here are a couple of old pictures from early October that Mea*gan e-mailed me. I can't believe how much younger O looked just 6 weeks ago!