preschool? already?

We just signed up for our last trimester of Early Childhood Classes and have been busy visiting preschools. One of those milestones that is often different for families with multiples is that of enrolling in and attending preschool. Minneapolis is no New York or LA—things are still fairly relaxed here, there are a lot of decent affordable options and “interviews” or waiting lists that start at birth are almost unheard of. The really in-demand places do lotteries, the rest do some version of first-come-first-serve. Still, to even get in the lotteries, you have to start touring the January before in order to apply in time. The stakes are high when you need two spots at once.

We had some ideas about what we wanted: play-based, nurturing, a school that would be a positive first school experience for our boys to start out in together. We suspect that we will choose to separate the boys for kindergarten, so we want a place that will be sensitive to preparing them for that, by encouraging them to branch out from each other a little. We weren't set in stone on a particular philosophy, but we did want a place that had a decent child/teacher ratio and did some goal-setting with each child.

We visited a Nature Center Preschool that I thought would be perfect, but it was quite a drive, and then, through a friend, we heard about an neighborhood preschool that is run as a co-op, is right in our neighborhood, and is known by word-of-mouth only. Compared to the Nature Center school, this school wasn’t much to look at. There were no adorable statues of children as you come in, no airy skylights or expensive wooden toys and no parent lounge with fireplace and WiFi, just a church building lobby and a marked door to the preschool room. Inside, though, the place had a cheerful and orderly coziness. There were lots of collaborative and individual projects on the wall, all different interpretations of a theme. The toys were well-worn and even dated, but the spaces were organized in an inviting, kid-friendly way. The teachers were warm, and had a friendly, easygoing manner with the boys. One of them has been there 17 years, and is clearly beloved by both the parents and the students, and I also really liked the teacher that has only been there for one. The boys seemed right at home. It was clear that while this preschool is definitely “play-based”, the teachers also do a lot of work to help kids learn to function in a group setting, get along together, actively work on some of the concepts they’re starting to be able to understand. Because it’s a co-op, the teachers are very well taken care of and don’t have to do much administrative work. The parents do all that, through monthly all-parent meetings, committees, and individual volunteer positions. Because of the co-op model, this preschool is also quite cheap. I liked the schedule they keep – adding an extra half-hour to the day for a couple of parents to watch kids at the attached playground so that kids can burn off a little energy before coming in and parents don’t have to turn around and come right back by the time they get home. On the way out, we ran into Lisa, our local librarian, who had wonderful things to say about sending her little boy there.

My head was spinning as we left. Here I’ve been researching this at least a little since the summer after the boys’ birth, and I go and fall in love with a preschool that’s a mile from my house, which I didn’t even know existed until a few days prior. The Co-op Preschool was supposed to be a possible back-up for the Nature Center Preschool, but we actually felt like it might be an even better place to send the boys. We put in an application, but didn’t get any promises about the possibility of our getting in.

That was a month ago. We had another couple of possibilities to check out, but I thought it was likely that we’d apply at the Nature Center Preschool and at the Co-op. we looked at two more schools, both nice, but not in the neighborhood. I kept thinking about N, who has a pretty tough time with separation and transitions. I’m not sure he’d really like being driven across town to an unfamiliar neighborhood and dropped off somewhere, versus being biked somewhere and running into his buddies, both adult and pint-sized, from Early Childhood classes, our church, the library, and our local Y. He’s the kind of kid who has an early appreciation for context and community, because they help him feel safe and connected. And the more I thought about that, the more I thought about the fact that most of us have some flavor of that need, the need to feel like we live within a village. The longer I live here and participate in all the places there are to bring little people, the more I run into the same likable loosely connected tribe of folks who are also bringing up little kids around here. That's a wonderful feeling. I am not daunted by the idea of putting in some volunteer hours at a co-op preschool, especially if I can bring my kids and get to know more parents right in my neighborhood while I’m doing it.

I was still worried about whether we’d get in to either of those schools though, and I thought maybe it was time to visit some more neighborhood-based preschools near us to see if there might be any other neighborhood gems to have as a back-up. I had a few leads—a big school with several classrooms that a lot of kids we know in the neighborhood go or have gone to, and a couple of tiny church schools.

We visited one of the tiny one-classroom schools this morning. I can honestly say that I’d rather my kids didn’t do any preschool than go there. My goodness, this school was depressing. The place was operated with military precision, with every minute scripted out, kids spending tons of time being drilled in letters and numbers, being told exactly what to do and how, standing on little of pieces of tape in the gym, doing calisthenics, and following directions every minute. Predictably, for the entire 5 minutes the kids were allowed to have “free play” in the gym, they screamed their bloody heads off. They had no art on the classroom walls, just a whole lot of those kit punch-outs about what season we’re in. There were maybe 15 books in the room, and no art easels. When I asked about art, the director told me that they don’t do art per se, they do crafts, and that the purpose of doing it was to teach sequences of steps. As in, there’s one way to do it, and only one way. The teacher’s assistant had a whistle around her neck, and a manner that she seemed to consciously soften for our benefit when she notices we were listening.

On the way home, we told the boys that they will not be going to school there. I was so frustrated at that point. We’d already looked at five schools. Nature Center Preschool was out, because they have it set up that you can only apply if it’s your first choice, since they let you know in March and expect the deposit a week later. We could not worry about it and apply at one of the less in-demand schools in late Spring or early summer if Co-op Preschool doesn’t come through with two spots, but the waiting list slots only come up one at a time. What if only one boy got in, or we were left hanging for weeks? Does it really need to be this complicated? I’ve met a twin mom whose daughter was accepted in May and whose son didn’t get in until the first week in September. They had to spend the whole summer worrying about it.

When I got home, I called the parent from the Co-op preschool just to get an idea of where on the waiting list we stood. “Oh, you’re in!” she said right away. “I was just waiting to call you to see if I could get In*grid (my friend Carrie’s daughter) and your boys in on the same days." We don’t know about that part yet, and it would be nice if Carrie and I ran into each other there regularly and maybe even carpooled, but we know we’re in, and we are so relieved.

And I am so glad not to have to think about any of this for a while anymore. If you’ve read this far, you probably are too.

Only Boy

Oli*ver woke up from his nap with a high fever yesterday. Jo*el took No*ah to the Global Ma*rket to get us all some food and run off a little of N's abundant energy, and I stayed home with O. He was kind of miserable, but happy enough to lay around with books and puzzles.

If you look closely, you'll see that a little chocolate cookie didn't hurt either. Did you know that at our Early Childhood classes, we mamas are all total hypocrates? For the kids we bring things like sliced apples, peapods, cheese cubes and whole wheat crackers. For each other? Bundt cake. Oreos. M&M's. Bottles of Dr. Pepper. So far, nobody has brought wine, at least.

Initially, O was pretty happy to have the bathtub all to himself, but then he got the chills, and I got him out and gave him some Tylenol.

This morning, Grandpa picked up N and brought him swimming, and I got to hang out with my "only boy" (as they put it when I have only one with me) for most of the morning. We had a nice time together, and I got three loads of laundry folded, the vacuuming, and some e-mailing done. We also went to the library in the "only boy stroller", and replaced one heap of books with another. O stayed in the stroller the whole time so he wouldn't get anyone sick.



O said,"I like to be your Only Boy and be in da Only Boy stroller and go to the Only Boy library" Then, at lunch, he said, "I want to see my No*ah now, please."

N seems to have had a really nice time at the Y and got to see Auntie Em*ily and baby Aug*ust there along with Grandma and Grandpa. At lunch, O said "I was missing you a widdle bit, bruddah." N said, "I was swimming, Oli*ver."

sniff

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted - Oliver ( I suspect) made off with our camera battery, and I've been unable to take pictures for a few weeks. I just found it in a drawer, and I'm snapping away, so I'll get some nice pictures up soon.

Meanwhile, a few of you have met my parents' wonderful black lab, Jake, and I have some sad news about him. Here is the e-mail my mom sent out this morning:

Dear All,

We have some very sad news to share with you.
Yesterday afternoon we had to put our dear Jake to sleep.
After starting the year as his usual energetic and enthusiastic self (see
picture taken on New years Day),in recent weeks he started limping on his
right front leg. When we had this checked out further by specialists and to
our shock we were informed that he was suffering from a very aggressive and
irreversible form of bone cancer.
There were no dignified options for our friend and we had to make a very
difficult decision. Jake had a wonderful life almost to the end.
Of course we will miss him dearly and cherish fond memories of a great
hunting dog and family dog, of how he loved the farm and his friends in the
park and of what a warm and thankful companion he was..

Hein and Elisabeth.

Jake was ten years old. He was one of those dogs that everyone just falls in love with, and he made friends wherever he went, whether it be in upstate New York or the Upper West Side of Manhatten. He had this big, beautiful head, and he'd just lay it on your lap and look up at you. He was very calm and gentle, even for a lab, and wanted nothing more than to run around outside and be with his people.

RIP, Jakey.