The Twin Diet

A couple of people have asked me lately how I've managed to stay a bit thinner since having my boys. I'll tell you my secret. It's a little known diet called the "Twin Diet". It especially works well with twin toddlers:

Step 1: start to get self something to eat.
Step 2: pull toddler off of cabinet in living room.
Step 3: walk back over to kitchen counter.
Step 4: pull toddler 1 off of toddler 2. Dry tears, execute consequence, realize that if world peace needs to begin in your living room, it doesn't look good.
Step 5: walk partway back to counter.
Step 6: wipe puddle off of floor, change toddler 1's underpants.
Step 7: look longingly at counter.
Step 8: read story to toddler 2, who is attempting a sit-down strike in your lap. hope he doesn't need to pee too,
Step 9: think to self, "wow, I'm hungry".
Step 10: stop toddler 1 from stabbing at a houseplant with pencil found under the couch.
Step 11: wonder if there might be any food under the couch.
Step 12: tell dog to stay the heck off the counter, even if there is food on the edge of it.
step 13: push food further back on the counter as you pass it, one toddler on your hip and the other one crying and pulling on the back of your increasingly loose shorts.
Step 14: move onto something else, forget about eating altogether.
Step 15: appreciate light-headed feeling, as it's a better-than-nothing stand in for actual patience.
Step 16: repeat

Net result: 6 pounds lost in last 3 months, down about 25 or 30 from pre-pregnancy weight...